How to be an Englishman, and NOT an American

  1. You don't drive anywhere, you walk...and you walk FAST
  2. If you are driving, pedestrians are just in the way, "moving speed bumps" you may call them. Don't slow down at all, those bastards don't have the right-of-way. In fact, SPEED UP!
  3. Crosswalks are entirely overrated, cross anywhere, in traffic preferably.
  4. Using your horn is illegal, and you'll get fined, but do it anyway.
  5. Your car is smaller then Hitler's original VW Bug design, and you're proud of it!
  6. You hate the French, everything is their fault
  7. If you're male, American chicks dig your accent. Even though you're a jerk, you'll probably still get laid, buy their broke ass another drink, cuz your money is worth more than theirs.
  8. Smoking is an expensive luxury, and your partake in it like everyone else.
  9. If you're female; then the chances are that you're hot. Not because you're "just hot" but because you're in shape unlike all those American girls who go to McDonalds too much.
  10. If you're female; you wear a skirt and boots all the time, in ALL weather.
  11. You don't wear white socks, nor do you own any.
  12. You also do not wear white shoes.
  13. You like to wear "trainers" even though they're three times the price they are in America
  14. You don't own any jacket made of nylon, rayon, or any other synthetic fiber
  15. Wear a scarf, it matches your fo-hawk
  16. Your jeans are fitted; this way your ass always looks great! haha
  17. You pronounce everything phonetically, especially spanish words.
  18. You order your lunch at school with a pint. Drinking at one in the afternoon is fine.
  19. Computer lab? What's that? Broadband? Ohhh... yeah, you can get Broadband around the corner at the Internet Cafe.
  20. You look at students who have laptops funny, they must be American. You love your pad and pencil.
  21. The idea isn't to go out on Thursday night and get completely trashed, it's to keep the buzz going from 4 in the afternoon until 11pm when they have last call.... and then to keep drinking the whole Tube ride home.
  22. Watch where you step on street corners and staircases at night. Someone may have just puked there.
  23. Your country has horrible food, when foreigners ask you "What's good" you quickly respond with "Do you like Indian Food?"